Do the Bart...Man...
Hello Reader...Like most in the United States and beyond I love...The Simpsons...Or Should I say...
lovED
the Simpsons...And before you ask...No I didn't stop watching cause they got "Bad" they never got bad and if you say anything else you're NOT A TRUE FAN! and you're a FAKER! S-Sorry...*Ahem* I get a bit...Mad sometimes :-/ Anyways...
I stopped watching because of Bart...And...More specifically...Because of a LOST EPISODE of sorts...And no...There's no blood involved at all and this 100% REALLY HAPPENED! (plz believe me) I am typing this from a mental hospital after this happened all the way back in the mother frickin' 90s! Anyways...My story started when my dad was forcing me to work a summer job at a Mexican owned and ran thrift shop after I attacked my Ex-Best friend after he said that Leonardo wasn't the leader of the Ninja turtles WHICH I still have trouble understanding how it was my fault at all...But anyways...I was working at this thrift store...And A man with spikey died yellow hair walked into the store...I saw him walk over to the counter and say something in Spanish to the man behind the counter who Giggled and gave him money for an item...The Simpsons Sing the Blues, Which featured the song "Do the Bart man!" (Not to be confused with the superhero of the same name.) Anyways it was 1992 But I never got the Cd...I'd begged my dad but he never got it for me! (Unfair I know) Anyways it looked in very good condition...Except for a hastily drawn a pubescent mustache and the fact only Bartwas on the cover...Plus it was on VHS for some strange reason...Well anyways...I Asked the man behind the counter if instead of being paid this week I could just have The Strange VHS, (He said No because he was paying me about .50c an hour which was and is illegal and I think he went to jail but he said he'd just stop paying me for the next year which sounded like a great deal cause I knew VHS tapes would still be valuable in 20 years). So I took it home with me...Hiding it in my "Eat my shorts, Man." Hoodie. I snuck it into my room with me as My mom and dad were out getting haircuts or something Idfk...Well I put the VHS into my VHS player...The Simpsons intro started playing except Springfield was empty up until the Bart in school scene. He was writing on the chalkboard "I WILL do the Bartman! xD" But I wasn't weirded out JUST yet...He skateboarded to the house and sat on the couch... no family members...He picked up the remote and a very fucking impressive 3d animation of the camera turning from a cramped close up of Barts faces to the tv and the song "Deep Deep Trouble" started playing. It was accompanied by the borders of the Simpson tv and the Image of the cover... (No other characters still) And all the parts with Homer were silent with slight static. I shrugged it off as being a glitch or something and I grooved to my Favorite character Bart singing of being in Deep, Deep Trouble...Well...After the song ended the 3d animation turned back to Bart who looked really sad. "Hey Man...You think Me being in Trouble was fair...Or not...?" He spoke. I was horrified for a second before I realized It was a cartoon and it was not speaking directly to me. I said as a funny joke "No Bart! your fat dad Homer was just being a dummy!" (I was able to say, dummy, cause my mom and dad were gone mind you). He smiled, As if pleased "Well...You're right about my fat dad Homer...He's a big fat dummy..." He spoke as if he could HEAR ME! I gasped a bit...
But before I could process this The opening riff for Born Under A Bad Sign played...Loud static played while Homer was supposed to be singing I thought this was a Gag at this point...So I fast forwarded till it got to Bart who looked at me and said "Did you like the song, Buddy?" he said as he grew A small mustache "U-Um sorry Bart but it was just static for me dude...So...No it was kinda like...Badish..." I stuttered...Her frowned... "Well that's to bad man...I guess it's time for our main event to boost your mood a bit..." He said as a smiled was plastered on his face. as it cut to static for a good 10 seconds...I got up to turn off the horrid VHS SCAM! but...It started up with a date overlay... "July 1986" I frowned cause It was something IRL and not the Simpsons...But I watched as a funky song started with a synth playing a beat with a drum beat in the background till a Woman started singing...She looked Japanese and I was like "What the heck is this..." (Many years later I looked into it...It seemed to be a Woman named Kaoru Akimoto...Singing a song called "Dress Down" Or somthing...) It got to a point where she said something like "Fushigina me o shite mite iru wa..." (I took Japanese for about 2 years...) And I noticed something yellow behind her and AS SHE SCREAMED DRESS DOWN BART JUMPED OUT FROM BEHIND HER AND STARTED RAPPING IN A DISTORTED VOICE! AS THE WOMAN BUT HER HEART AND SOUL INTO THE PERFORMANCE AND BART DANCED AROUND THE STAGE! I HEARD CONFUSED MURMURING IN THE BACKGROUND AND A FEW SCREAMS BEFORE HOMER CAME OUT FROM BEHIND THEM BOTH WITH A PHOTO REALISTIC FACE LIKE A MAN AND SCREAMED!!!
"...How was that...Herman (MY NAME WTF)?" I SCREAMED AND TOOK MY BART COFFEE CUP AND WHIFFED
IT INTO THE TV SHATTERING IT INSTANTLY (Cause my eject button is iffy at best) I SCREAMED AND CRIED TILL I FELL ASLEEP...The next day I went to my job and told the store owner about it...He told me the man said his name was El Barto and his family died in a car crash as they were listening to this song (But on cassette tape) And he wanted to pass on the curse! I yelled "WHY DID YOU TAKE THE ITEM! OLD MAN! WHY!?" as he chuckled "Cause I knew you'd buy it boy..." he said in a...Homer-Like Voice...As he started balding rapidly and turning yellow...Like the face from the song...I yelled but he screamed "WHY YOU LITTLE--" and choked me out...I woke up yesterday...In 2018...I...I passed out for 26 years...I'll keep you posted i-- *Bart comes up behind me and stabs me in the back back*
It's Me Bart now...Do The Bart, Man Or I'll strike again...Heeeeeh...Heehh...Heeeeh... >:)